| (no subject) |
[Jun. 30th, 2009|08:48 pm] |
| [ | disposition |
| |  hopeful | ] |
I cannot believe that it has been two years since the last time that I updated this. My life is so removed from where it was then.
I want to dance again. I need to lose weight to be able to do that. I'm so not trying to be the fat girl in a leotard. This recent 80s explosion fashion trend shit most certainly fucked that up. Also, I figure that I'd be a lot more graceful if my body was lighter. The second reason is more reasonable.
I just want to say that I do not understand uber competitive people. Especially at the gym. Can't I sweat my fat ass off in peace without some self-absorbed prick looking at my stats to see if they're going faster than me? Also, I hate guys that go to gyms. I never want to believe that the muscle-shirt wearing, steroid-abusing, hyper-masculinized stereotype of gym-rats is true, but it so is. While I was on the elliptical the other day, I saw this guy pantomiming pumping weights and laughing about it with his friends while they all stood around flexing their muscles and giving the gym a free preview of the gun show. It was just so ridiculously lame. Maybe I just don't like muscles or some shit, but I was not at all amused.
This entry started off all sappy and morose, but halfway through I decided how tired I was of being sad all the damn time and deleted half of it.
Also, how is Michael Jackson dead? I don't know, I guess I always thought that he would moonwalk into his grave whenever he was ready or something. I'm still in disbelief. |
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| THIS WAS MY SHIT!!! |
[Aug. 3rd, 2007|01:49 am] |
I don't know what Disney was on when they canceled Bug Juice.
[EDIT] I was on Overheard in NY a couple of days ago and I laughed for about an hour.
Security guard to teen boy who set off the metal detector: Whoa, drop it like it's hot, baby.
Princess: So are you, like, bored?
Man: No. I'm homeless.
Princess: Oh!
Lady: It's freezing out. Is the weather cold like this in Korea? [Manicurist is silent.] Hello? Is it this cold in Korea? ... Does she speak English?
Manicurist: I'm Chinese.
Lady: Oh, well, I eat a lot of Chinese vegetables.
Drag queen: Hey, were you in prison?
Angry man: Yeah, I was.
Drag queen: That's where I know you from!
Angry man: Oh, yeah, hey! How are you?
Drag queen: I'm good. It's so good to see you!
Eye candy: Why would he say that I was not educated?
Friend: Well, that's not exactly what he said, now was it?
Eye candy: No, he said I was tapid and voided of thought.
Friend: Vapid and devoid of thought.
Eye candy: Same thing.
Dude #1: That restaurant across the street must be amazing. There's always a crowd outside. Is it really that good?
Dude #2: No. It's a bus stop. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2007|01:44 am] |
| [ | disposition |
| |  contemplative | ] |
I should probably do a meaningful update on my life, but I can't do that without putting other people's business out there and that shit ain't cool.
I want to like Amy Winehouse, but whenever I see her videos, I get scared of her face. Video really did kill the radio star.
Chris and I stayed up until 4 watching Nick Arcade and the red team was beating the blue team 425 to 10. When they got sent home, Phil Moore said, "Looks like the red team won, but the blue team put up a good fight", and Chris and I screamed, "Don't lie!". Phil Moore has the most awkward lisp. I can't believe that I didn't notice that as kid. Those kids hairstyles were atrocious. This one girl had a greasy ass perm that was border line Jheri curl.
Speaking of Jheri curls, I used to have one when I was six. My brother begged my mom not to get me one, but she just said, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO HER FUCKING HAIR!". My brother and I were reminiscing about it and he goes, "Well, it was really a Jheri curl ... more like a leisure curl". Ha. My brother is so funny sometimes.
My sister in law got pregnant again to keep my brother around. I don't condone dudes hitting women, but I think that my brother deserves to donkey punch her in the face. Getting pregnant on purpose to lure a man is not a solution. It's a quick fix to long term issues. My brother now has 4 mouths to feed and that bitch damn sure doesn't work even though she has a degree (my brother doesn't). On the positive side, I'll have a niece in September. The trifecta is ruined (three nephews)!
Chris and I were watching Blade and I wondering if vampires could get Hepatitis. Any thoughts? |
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| holy moley |
[Apr. 18th, 2007|12:57 am] |
I READ THIS SHIT ON CRAIGSLIST WTF?!?
What kind of human being am I?
We had a family gathering (Baptism) and a family party afterwards at a cousins house. My Mom has a younger sister who is a cool, great woman.
She is in her late 40's but cool as shit and good looking.
She also has a booze problem. The other night, when the party was winding down, my Mom asked me to drive my Auntie Joanna home cuz she was half drunk. No problem.
We get to my Aunt's house, and she asks me to come in for a minute. She is separated from her husband and her two teenage kids were out getting high somewhere after the other party.
She gives me a rum and coke and tells me she has to piss. She comes out of the shithouse 5 minutes later in her bra and panties and comes and sits on my lap.
Next thing I know we are fucking like the world is about to end. Ass to mouth, cunny,69, we do it all for like 3 hours. I must have dumped 5 loads into her.
When we heard her kids come home I got up and left.
I have not heard from her since Saturday night.
Am I in trouble? Did she black out? Could she be preggers? WTF? Any of you dudes ever bang an auntie? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2007|01:44 am] |
| [ | disposition |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | tunez |
| | CBR | ] |
You know what's really funny about this whole Imus bullshit? The amount of people who honestly don't think that his comment was racial. I know the motherfucker wouldn't call a team of mostly white girls, "nappy-headed hos", no matter how curly their hair was. Now, all these white journalists are turning him into a martyr for free speech. All I know is that if I went on NBC tomorrow and referred to white people as thieving, raping, low-down dirty assholes, then I would most certainly be in jail or hung from some oak. Let's be real. But this white guy makes this comment and he's a savior or some shit. Yes indeed.
And you know what? I'm so sick of Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson speaking for all black people. There is no reason why they need to involve themselves in every major incident in the black community. I already know that these Rutger girls are intelligent enough to defend themselves without those two publicity seekers. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 5th, 2007|09:26 pm] |
I fucking love Clueless like no one's business. There's this scene where Mr. Hall starts handing out report cards and this kid goes to jump out of the window and Mr. Hall goes, "Can the suicide attempts please wait until the next class period??", and it totally reminds me of high school.
You know what's really funny to me? That people who don't like me feel that it's necessary to shoot me dirty looks. What they're too dense to realize (hence the reason why I prefer not to associate with them) is that if I don't like you, then you cease to exist. Sorry, but it takes a lot less energy to be indifferent than to return disdain. So what I basically trying to say is that all the haters can suck my dick. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2007|10:38 pm] |
Let me preface what I'm about to talk about by saying that I avoid public restrooms at all costs. I just can't go with someone next to me doing their business. I'm willing to share a lot of things with people, but excretion is not one of them.
With that being said, I got to walgreen's with Jonay and I had to pee like nobody's business. I did my usual routine: cleaning the seat, putting down hella toilet paper, etc. I wasn't sure anyone was in the next stall until the woman started kicking up a fuss. Bitch was doing crystal meth in the restroom at walgreen's and dropped all of her shit on the floor. She scrambled on the floor trying to pick some up to ingest and trying to flush the rest down the toilet to hide her evidence. I left the restroom and told Jonay about it. The woman flew out of the restroom with her nose red and that unemotive expression that only a meth user can have. All I could think was, "Wow, this would happen to me".
I wish that spring break would hurry up. |
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